Leaving one Behind

While I am ecstatic about finally, finally going to meet my son, I am terribly sad over leaving my first-born behind. When we began this process - we made our first inquiring phone call in 2009, she

was 16 years old. We never imagined when we finally got that call that she would be a junior in college. In the beginning, it was always Emily and Owen that would go with us to pick him/her up. It was Emily that kept pushing us forward when there were times in our process that we really wanted to stop and just give up. It was Emily that kept pushing forward/reminding us how/why we had gotten to this point and that a "wait" from God doesn't necessarily mean "no". I know that God's timing is perfect. He is not surprised by the fact that she is unable to attend this trip. I don't understand it, I don't even like it but it is what it is. His plans for Emily are way better than my plans for her could ever be.

Emily is a great big sister. She was 3 1/2 when Owen was born. I remember fretting and worrying that she would resent a new baby. She didn't. She was instantly a better person because of being a big sister. It is a role she has taken seriously since the day Owen was born. All of my kids have a tight bond, despite their age differences. Not only do they love each other, most of the time they actually like each other. So, to leave the continent

without her seems like there is a big, gaping hole in her "spot". Tonight we were talking about navigating the airport when we land. I realized for the first time in a long, long, time - we aren't evenly matched, not everyone has a partner. It took some reconfiguring to come up with our "game plan". I have told my kids - nearly since birth - "You are not one of one, you are one of

six." That's how we raised our family, that's how we roll. I guess this is just preparing me for when I have to leave my newest addition on the other side of the pond. I will be so relieved and thankful when I can have all my little chick-a-dees in the nest, for as long as they'll let me. At least even if they aren't all in my nest, they'll all be on one continent! Then, finally, I can say "You are not one of one, you are one of seven!"