For as long as I can remember I have wanted to go to Africa. I have a strong love and passion for Africa. When my parents began the adoption process (I was 16 years old) it was MY plan to travel with them. When the waiting began, one day went by, then a week, then a month, and eventually four years. I finally had to come to terms with the fact that MY plan wasn't going to work out. I was now a Junior in college and couldn't miss 10 days worth of school. I will admit, I was angry. I was hurt and upset. I was jealous because my entire family was going to get to go, but I wasn't. I was never angry that my family left me. I was also never angry with my family for having to go without me. I was just angry that I didn't get to go. I felt that because adoption was something I had hoped for and prayed for my family that I should get to go.
However, I finally had to see that it must not be GOD'S plan for me to go. I was focused on what I wanted and not what God had planned for me. I went home the weekend before my family left and I helped them pack and prepare for the trip. I was trying really hard to not show what I was feeling because I wanted to be the strong 20 year old that I know I can be. It finally all hit me one night while my mom was making her lists of what to pack. I broke down. I cried and cried and cried. I apologized over and over for feeling the way that I did/do.
My mom wrapped me in her arms and told me that what I was feeling was normal. That I should be sad that I couldn't go. I should be jealous that my siblings were going to get to hold my baby brother before I was. I should have all of these feelings because that is the kind of big sister I am. I will do absolutely anything for my siblings and their happiness is very important to me. I was broken and hurt that our family wouldn't be whole from the very beginning.
When I hugged my mom for the last time before heading back to school, I cried again. I had such mixed emotions about the whole ordeal. Then I decided that I was going to take my job as the only Nemitz stateside very seriously. God had to have a reason for me staying here. I kept everyone up to date and informed about what was going on with my family across the world. It was hard to see all of the pictures of my family with Yohannes. However, I realized that I was no longer angry or upset. When I saw my mom hold Yohannes for the first time, I knew that everyone was right where God intended them to be.
I am so unbelievably thankful for everyone who has called, texted, and facebooked me. I am so encouraged by the love and support that our family has received through this adventure.
The Nemitz Family (minus one) are on their way home. They board their flight in Ethiopia at 10:15pm their time. They will return to RDU at 5:07pm on Saturday night. I don't get to see them until Tuesday, but I can't wait to see their many many pictures and hear the stories and experiences that I haven't heard yet.
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